Woh 7-din ! – Going through life -v/s- Growing through Life…

…….. continued

Day 1:

It surely was not a normal day. Eyes filled with immense hope and positivity, a restless body language, mind full of questions and heart still keeping the beats of faith on. About 10+ visits to the pharmacy on the ground floor, assured me of a progressive treatment and recovery. (PS: No updates whatsoever from the ICU) Fellow relatives of the other ICU patients kept conversing, either on phone or among them, falsely consoling themselves of the current conditions of their patients – Mind you! They too are unaware of the executions inside. New admissions to the ICU only filled my heart with commiseration for them. However, honestly, I was more concerned about my mom and thus the mind remained focused on her status only. Late evening I understand that her condition is normal and breathing pattern improved. Though it gave a sheer sigh of relief; what I still disapproved was that it was only due to the external life support. I didn’t want that old body of 72 years to go thru this suffering… Hope and happiness alive but masked with questions, doubts and concerns.

Day 2: 

Day dawns with a startling noise of stretchers being pulled out hastily thru’ the patients elevator and rushed to the ICU. A mob of Doctors, nurses, attendants, helpers, physicians and technicians, all followed the 29 year old guy who had just got a Cardiac assault. Families and well-wishers accompanied soon but later spread out in various directions to perform the various tasks assigned- medicines reports payments etc. I had never wanted such a start to my day ever. So instead of a fearless and hopeful beginning, the day started with anxiety and countless prayers for the well being of my mother and also the new entrant. Few known faces on the floor with similar tough times found solace in speaking with fellow relatives. Some strange stories and experiences were exchanged and I must say these only pumps the adrenaline levels inside you upwards. With multiple calls from the ICU for procuring medicines without any update on the health conditions, arose a sense of fear and anger. The ray of hope was the visiting hours at 6pm. Improvement pattern did indicate a positive trend but doctor opinions differed.

Day 3:

By this time around we were kind of losing hopes about her health improvement not because the doctors intimated such but because they did not. An unaware person frames opinions according to his circumstances and surroundings and in our case this was quite distinct. We forwarded a message for the doctor inside thru the attendant that we wished to see him. We were asked to wait until the doc completes his roundups. All eyes set on the Lord Hanuman kept asking LIFE for her.

And just then………… The doctor called us!

It was about 12 at midnight. The heart rate and pressure had stabilized and she was getting ready to be shifted to IMCU – a section between ICU and normal ward. The doc indicated a near-to-impressive-development and hence still wanted to be under observation. We were happy. Not long though!

The breathlessness returned and this time a little more fierce. Along with it returned a scary and fearsome thought of losing her. She was taken back to the bed and all wires were re-plugged into her. We hardly got to see her!

……to be continued

Woh 7-din ! – Going through life -v/s- Growing through Life…

I have observed that a hospital is the only place on planet earth which is said to carry multiple energies and emotions together:  Happiness, Sadness, Hope, Belief, Fear, Anxiety, Patience, Excitement etc. Note that the above emotions are fairly different at different intervals of the same day. At times it starts with one and ends with another one of the above.  At some other instances it could be just one of it throughout. Whatever it is, you surely come out more learned, stronger, matured and experienced.. One goes through life very closely at every moment and grows with it! You discover a new YOU. I have one such experience to pen that i encountered lately.

And I must confess I grew with it.

PRELUDE

She was rushed to bed no 9 in the Intensive care unit (ICU) on the 2nd floor of Bhaktivedanta Hospital in Mira Road. With Complaint of intense breathing and heavy palpitation, my mother was almost unconscious. I was tensed mixed with a noticeable worry on my face. Waiting outside the ICU, all I could see and sense were 3 things.

a) The nurses and attendants running in and out of the ICU carrying instruments of various sizes and shapes; completely alien to me.. The doctor kept examining the case files with a blank look on his face and at times staring at one of the sheets and comparing it with some other in the file.. The wires were plugged on and set at key points on my mother’s torso and a reading on the monitor started glaring at me with ambiguous numerical updates.. Some in green indicated joy while the ones in red were a concern.. Either of it was Greek..

b) My heart beat which was politely following every action of the key personnel inside the ICU. The trend of 130 bpm to 170 bpm was directly proportional to the instructions of the commander-in-chief and actions in response of the 2nd in command.. The more machines went inside; the more sweat made its way on my forehead..

c) The idol of Lord Hanuman standing and staring at me with calm approach and a composed demeanor. The iron mace in his left hand pointing downwards whiles the conch shell in his right upwards. Was this an indication that it’s all either here on earth (the material world) or up above (the spiritual world)?? It’s we, the mortals, here on earth and HE, the eternal up there, guarding and controlling all our actions and reactions. (Remember the famous lines from the film ‘Anand’: “Zindagi aur maut uparwale ke hath hai jahapana, jise na aap badalsakte hai na mein. Hum sab to rangmanch ki katputlia hai, jiski door uparwale ke haath bandhi hai.. KAB KAUN KAISE UTHEGA YE KOI NAHI JANTA”)

Whatever it is; am still searching the answers.

I never knew that the forthcoming 7 days will unveil a new me; a lot of learning and unlearning awaits me. A lot was to be experienced and explored over the next 7 days. This is the first part of the 4-part document and is a moment-by-moment sketch of my experience each day – I was going and growing through life!

……to be continued

The Road Map !!

They say “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there”. This quote is so strikingly meaningful that it prompts one to read it over and over again. (See, I knew it – You read it once more).

While it was apparent to ME why did I started writing; some questions still were left unanswered in my last post. Decent feedback’s at predictable intervals followed with some curious inquiry on the What’s Why’s Who’s When’s & How’s were encouraging. A careful compilation of all the questions filtered them into 3 fundamental ones.

1) What is “betweenwhitenblack”?

2) What do I plan to write?

3) Would it make a difference to the society at large?

I shall try to make an honest attempt to address all the above questions, which should take care of the other queries too. However, a quick disclaimer here:

“All thoughts expressed here are my own and bear no resemblance to anyone*. India is a free country and people have the right to express what one feels. No major research is involved herein and hence I cannot be held for facts or faults – After all “To err is human; to forgive divine”.

*(Even if there is one; blame it on the creator of universe. They say you have 7 look-alikes in this world. Check yours on http://www.pictriev.com/)

 

1) What is “betweenwhitenblack”

NOTHING! It’s just a name to the blog without which I would have been allowed to create this page. Kidding!! LOL

There is a reason behind specifically mentioning White before Black.

White signifies Hygiene, Sterility, Clarity, Purity, Cleanness, Simplicity, Sophistication, & Efficiency.  Visually, white gives a heightened perception of space. It reflects the full force of the spectrum into our eyes. It communicates, “Touch me not!” It is LIGHT. White is all colours, totally reflected.

Black on the other hand embodies Sophistication, Glamour, Security, Emotional safety & Substance. Visually, black creates protective barriers, as it absorbs all the energy coming towards you and envelops the personality. Since it communicates absolute clarity with no fine nuances, it creates a perception of weight and seriousness. It is ABSENCE OF LIGHT. Black is all colours, totally absorbed.

Opposites attract: Just as white is total reflection, black is total absorption, its blend denotes a rightful balance. A balance of expressing thoughts between white and black is what I intend to establish in this work of writing. I personally believe that nothing is completely Right or wrong in the universe. It is the way we look at it and perceive or develop taste. I hope my work justifies a thoughtful perception between white and black.

2) What do I plan to write?

When I first thought of writing, I was clearer of “What not to do” than “What to do”. This piece of clarity has thus refined my thoughts on subjects that I feel (reiterate- I FEEL) is important and should be discussed. You may find my posts funny & thoughtful at the same time or provoking yet insightful (Mind you, at times it could be mere useless hopeless & fake).

However, I surely don’t intend to turn this compilation into a collection of ‘WOW’ moments or the ‘Ha Ha!’ or ‘Oh Sad!’ ones. I don’t intend to create a self-help documentary nor do I intend to rub salt in the wounds of people by touching subjects that have been done-to-death all over. Every spoof or Satire made on any topic is a conscious attempt towards being ‘Publicly private’. Every post addressing an unattended thought is an attempt towards being ‘Privately public’. Anything that confuses you here is purely your problem; but I am sure with time this would make sense.”

3) Would it make a difference to the society at large?

NO. It is a dream. Or maybe, YES. Dreams do come true. But hey guys first help me reach the society at large. I cannot do that all alone. Yeah! I can post it on social sites, tweet about it and spread the word, but it can’t bring about an overnight upheaval. (Ssshhh!! Actually I don’t intend to!) 2012 stats state; WordPress alone has 42 million blogs with 329 million people viewing it across 25 billion pages in a month. Whoaaa!! With almost every blogger aiming at reaching the society at large, I stand to compete with a gargantuan army of aspirants. Hence I feel it is better to develop a small community of like-minded individuals and express within the same wavelength of DNA..

After all, there is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. “Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad”

Cheers !!

…..& this is how it started…. FINALLY !!

Finally!!! Phew!!

Had I little known about the fact that blogging is an unusual sport – I would have refrained jumping in this act of writing – writing to know more about me, writing to express what I know of others, writing to observe, writing to learn, writing to explore, writing to opine, writing to create, writing to establish, writing the dream or writing between white and black….. But it began!! It began finally. !!

It began with le rêveur (the dreamer in French). “Betweenwhitenblack”

Being the first post of “my life” I shall stick to 2 things: a) Thank people and b) Story the journey of conceiving this blog. In fact, let me try doing both simultaneously..

So here is a list of people I want to thank to.. Not that they have been kind of super-support-system or something & I am too sentimental about them, but that they believed in me and helped me discover myself, that they encouraged me to write because they believed that I could. They believed that I could convey, communicate or dream…

Thanks guys!! Had you all not been there……………………………… Somebody else would have been 😉

First of all my wife Jyotsana who never encouraged me to write.. Not because she thought I couldn’t, but because she believed I wouldn’t… Laziness you see!! Hey wifey – I have started it finally and promise to keep it going.. Continue to be the epitome of my strength (even if it is this way – Sometimes negative motivations work)

Secondly – Simran- a dear friend, philosopher and guide.. A humble bow to you for your mammoth faith in me – I still cherish the notebook you gave me to write- Its still empty but has filled my heart with immense confidence. BTW What made you give me a book in this computer age?? Silly isn’t it?? Think of a gadget next!!

Next in the list is my elder brother – Anil for his continuous moral support towards anything and everything I did or do.. Bhau (as I ‘pyaar se’ call him) – tell me something – Do you really think I could succeed in something like this after couple of failed attempts earlier on varied subjects?? Or its just your caring demeanor that you encouraged me to it. Or most importantly did you really understand what am I expressing?? Just Kidding !!

Further, thank you Naina Madan – for the naam-karan-sanskaar of this child of mine. So whilethecoffeebrews – Ma’am take a bow as I applaud your little contribution in my effort of taking to the world what I never thought I had..

Mr. Haider Sheikh, Mr. Arpan Chatterjee, Mr. Kaiser Faruqi & Mr. Prasanna Singh – For your boundless trust in me at every step of mine and giving a patient hearing for all that I had to say all these years – In any case; Boss you guys are too good to have listened to me that has sowed the seeds of this blog.. In coming times I shall make attempts to detail some of our experiences too..

To Sai Baba – Please accept my humble obeisance. All glories to you for showering your countless blessings on me and seeding the fact that I could attempt something like this. (PS: At least no one would now dare to comment bad – Having the almighty by our side always has its advantages 🙂 )

Lastly, all you readers – for wondering as why am I thanking people – Am I writing a blog or some Upanayaas??

No dear friend- Nothing of the above. I don’t intend to write prequels to sequels, multi-volumes or even self-help documentary. I just want to pen my thoughts on anything I feel can be attended to by my limited intelligence. I intend to write for me, myself. I shall make attempts to opine on subjects I feel have the potential to be extrapolated thus giving it a diverse perspective and meaning. I shall be obliged if I receive feedback aiming at corrective measures to improve my writing or your own similar experiences or just a pat-on-the-back.

So the million dollar question: Why do I still need to thank people?

Well! If this attempt succeeds I get the applauses. However, if it fails for some reasons, I can easily fall back on the beliefs of the above and blame it to them and their judgments about me. After all – Success has many fathers – Failure is an orphan.